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Why is it so hard.

Posted 31st January 2013 1623

I told you that i liked you and i was sorry it was going to be awkward.. You said it didn’t have to be.. it still is in a way. I’ve talked to you a little after but only like once or twice.. You’re in my last class and today i was by you because my friend sits by you and we were working together.. I see you in the hallway and i act like i don’t notice you but in reality i forget what im saying and start saying random things so you don’t notice. I smile and freak out when i see you. When i first see you in the morning i wanna smile and say hi but then i over think it and you walk right past me. I see you look over at me, but i think its because you’re just looking to see if i’m looking at you :/ I think you like this other girl i’ve seen you with her alot and i’ve seen you hug her.. but i also saw you with this other girl that i’m friends with. She told me she thinks you’re annoying.. Why waste your time with her? I know you like her or maybe i’m wrong. I want to ask you to be my Valentine but what if you say no? What if you tell everyone. I have anxiety when it comes to you, I wanna ask you so bad. But i don’t know what i’d do if you said no. I just wanna be the way we were last year. Before i told you i liked you the first time, i’ve liked you on and off from that day. I remember when i first saw you. you were chubby and i didn’t think of you that way. It took me around a year or two but i finally saw it. The things that drew me to you, you are one of the sweetest people i have ever met in my life, you’re smile makes me wanna smile, your life makes me laugh, your personality to me is perfect. To me you’re perfect, if only you felt the same. You might not be the skinniest you’re a bit chubby, but so am i. We both have chubby cheeks, i used to squeeze yours and you would squeeze mine, but that was before i told you. I wish i’d never done it, it made everything awkward, but it feels better to get it off of my chest. Sometimes i just wanna ask you straight up and other times the anxiety gets to me and i over think things and mess everything up. We had a thing last year, i liked you and you liked me, we never did anything about it though i wish we would have. You would always say you’d date me, and that to you i was a 9 and all these other things, then my friend decided to ask you out for me. I begged and begged her not too, but she did and you said it was better if we were friends. We stopped talking for a long time. Then finally in the summer we started talking again, then school started and i’d push you’re backpack and tell you to hurry and you’d do the same. You were pushing me down the hallway and i pushed you back and you were surprised at how strong i was. You’d come up behind me and put your hands on my shoulders and walk me to class. Then you started dating her, and then her, then we stopped talking. Then my friends started yelling that i liked you, it got awkward. So i told you it was a lie, then i decided that i was going to tell you so i said “Actually, i lied. I do like you i just didn’t want it to be awkward.” You replied a couple of minutes later saying it didn’t have to be awkward and that it didn’t mind to you that i liked you. We didn’t have classes together then, but now you’re in my 7th period and the teacher always calls us up at the same time. What a coincidence, ahh now i just wait in silence for something that probably won’t happen. But i could if i would do something, but if i asked you to be my Valentine what would you say? would you say yes? or would i embarrass myself and you say no?

awkward talked friend working hallway notice reality forget

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