Posted 4th July 2016 311

I’m a mother of two children and expecting my third. I hate my husband from even before we got married. But the circumstances forced me to marry him. First, I come from a Muslim Middle Eastern family which means a girl’s virginity before marriage is all what concerns them! And since I wasn’t a “Virgin”, I had no choice but to make my current husband feel and see that I love him and therefore marry him. I think that was the worst mistake of my entire life. My problem is that I knew very very well how much of a Monster he is and yet I said to myself hold on to this ride, it’s not gonna be easy but you’ll get married and get out of this society prison. I had no clue I was in heaven and the real prison was what I was going to see. Before and after we get married my husband used to make me dress as a prostitute, go to clubs, hook up with strangers, suck their dicks, make them play in my pussy and entire body and even occasionally drink their cum or make them fuck me. He even continue doing this to me while I was pregnant with our first child!!! He made me do this since we’ve been together as a boyfriend/girlfriend and up until I was half way through my pregnancy. Which makes it about 3 years of this living hell! I will never forgive him. Ever! I don’t have words to type that can describe how I feel towards this man. I really don’t. The nights that I’ve spent without eating because I was disgusted by him and from myself from all those strangers who touched me. Disgusted from the fact that he gets turned on by this and that’s why he makes me do it. The fact that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him!!! I got married to him when I was 25 years old and we spent two years as girlfriend and boyfriend; now I just turned 30. I can’t get what he did to me out of my system, my brain, my heart. I spent endless nights crying because of him. Lost tons of weight. I can’t get a divorce either. I want to have more children. I’m still unstable financially alone so I can’t leave him even though I have a good job it’s not enough, I still need him financially to support my and my kids. I even still didn’t get my US Citizenship yet and he threatened me countless times during our fights that because he is a citizen he has the better hand in taking my kids away from me. Not to mention that he literally doesn’t do anything to them. I’m the one who feeds all of the house, cooks, cleans, working full time and doing my masters degree as well! I mean what 30 years old does all of that in S foreign country without a single family member!? I only pray God every night that he takes him away from me. I hope he gets a stroke or a heart attack! Its not even worth it for me to kill him cause I’ll lose my kids. I’m not dumb. I just hope something bad happens to him every night. I never imagined my life would be this miserable. I never imagined I’d be like a dead flower for the rest of my life. I never imagined I will never feel happy ever again. Dear God, I hope you’re listening please; resume me!

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