Posted 30th January 2010 2123

HOLY SHIT WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN.

I am 25 and I still hate my parents. The cool thing is that after living with my fiance for two years (and AWAY from my parents) has taken me a step back and shown me that maybe I’m not being emo and maybe there are a few little legit reasons for them to piss me off so badly. My oldest cousin has excommunicated from the family because of her dad, MY dad’s brother, who was an asshat and made her feel like a worthless unwanted piece of shit, HMMM AND SOMEHOW I CAN TOTALLY SYMPATHIZE WITH HER.

And then my mom still treats me like I’m 10 years old. I know she just really wants to be motherly BUT COME ON, I have an alarm clock and I think I’m capable of getting up for work on time, I’ve done it countless times without your help. God I hope I don’t become that kind of mother.

This morning (SATURDAY) she woke me up at like 8 FUCKING A.M. to pester me more about the wedding. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE GODDAMN WEDDING. I WANT A TINY, SIMPLE, EASY CEREMONY/RECEPTION AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE STUPID GIRLY DETAILS. I am not a normal girl, I don’t like foo-foo princess shit and I never had any Dream Wedding in my head when I was little. Stop telling that I need to do this and that and FAST OR ELSE. I’m not even getting married until the end of October for crying out loud.

Wedding planning sucks, not so much because of the planning, but because of the options. I don’t like “trendy” things. The dress is the worst. Everyone wants to take me dress shopping and tries to get a reaction out of me from each dress, but it NEVER HAPPENS because all of the dresses are boring as fuck and stupid-looking. Every. Single. One. So I want to order one online, because that’s the only place I’ll find a dress that fits ME, and everyone is all NOOOOOOOOO WHAT A TERRIBLE IDEA HOLY SHIT YOU’RE GOING TO FUCK YOURSELF OVER IT WON’T FIT IT WILL LOOK AWFUL BLABLABLAH.

My fiance is a feminist’s worst nightmare (not that I am a feminist because most of them are radical sexists) who seems to think I am being silly and overemotional or something, which is ironic because I’m typically a very emotionally cold person and several guy friends of mine have been all “You think like a guy, that’s why you’re cool to hang out with”. He smiles and me and says “It’s not that bad get over it!!” rather than trying to help me come to an ACTUAL SOLUTION. HELLO THIS IS NOT A MIND FUCK, THIS IS SERIOUS. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I WANT THE WORLD TO EXPLODE BECAUSE OF YOU AND MY PARENTS…and my sister who seems to think it is an awesome idea to plan her wedding alongside mine.

“Why aren’t you as excited as your sister?” my parents say. BECAUSE I’M NOT GIRLY AND DON’T GIVE A SHIT. I am more concerned about the marriage itself than the stupid party. Anyway, she started planning HER wedding as soon as -I- got engaged, wtf??? And then she wants to have it IN THE SAME SEASON????? She is the ultimate girly girl, going nutsoid over her wedding, and now the whole family is comparing us. Of course she is winning. HOW CAN YOU WIN AT GETTING MARRIED, WAIT.

How many years has it been since we left the apartment, two or three? That’s terrible…I’ve been waiting for that many years waiting for him to figure out what the fuck he wants to do with his life so that I can coordinate our careers together.

I’ve bitched about the living situation one too many times already and I’m sick of repeating myself. The big thing is that for something to endure for this long, doesn’t it hold up a red flag? Doesn’t it scream “THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.” I want to move out–I won’t survive living with my parents until October. But he’s adamantly against getting an apartment…WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HIS WAY, WHY AM I THE ONE WAITING. He wants to get a house, but we can barely afford to move in together now so how can we even think of getting a house any time soon?!??!!?!!?!?

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I think I feel better. I’m not sure yet.

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