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You Aren’t Awesome! (Finally Saying All of This Out Loud)

Thirst

Posted 18th April 2010 42

Matter of fact I wish that word (awesome) would completely disappear out of your vocabulary. This is awesome! That is awesome! We have all made it out of tubular times already,mannnnn. The fact that you add a ridiculous overly feminine inflection to your voice means that you know how unfeminine you appear to others. You are compensating. Especially,when you don’t bother to shave your jawline and chin.

You are pushing 40. Poking holes into your face,blasting TOOL,wearing TOOL clothes and driving like a fucking maniac(until every car you have ever owned craters) won’t prove to anyone around you that you are young and carefree. Usually,common sense would tell someone that a $500 car might not last long if one did doughnuts in parking lots with it. Such a car might not last long if everywhere it went was at the highest speed possible. Even so much as coming to a brake squeaking stop in your own driveway.

Figuring out which bands your teenage son is into and applying that taste to yourself makes you pathetic. You think blasting music some young guy might like will turn his head to see how awwwesome you are. There are things that are much more important in life than taste in music.

You hate adulthood or being mature. You hate schedules or doing anything by a time frame. You hate order and doing things logically. Such is for boring people. Your life would be much easier if you would just grow up.

You don’t keep friends in your own age group. Those people are boring and don’t like the same kind of music you do. People in your age group are much too worried about paying bills on time and being adults and all. Those people aren’t worth your time. They might have plans for retirement. They might not want to smoke as much pot as possible. They might not even want to play Guitar Hero! The bastards! They might even have their heads out of their asses. The fact that you hate anything resembling responsible adulthood should clue in even the most ignorant twentysomething to run the opposite direction when you slither their way.

These 10-11 year younger guys you latch onto are not ever going to get involved romantically with you. That is your pattern. Find some fool who believes every twisted lie you spew out. Some idiot that will tell you what you want to hear. Someone who will listen to your shit.

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