Posted 14th November 2016 29

Lately i’ve been really confused with emotions. I swear to god if one more god damn person says it’s horomones im gonna punch a hole in my wall.. bottom line is, i’m not happy but i dont know why. It’s almost like i WANT to be sad. Dont get me wrong this isnt in anyway for attention but i just never want to talk to people, not only about how im feeling byt just in general. People dont understand how fucking annoying it is to believe that youre depressed but you dont know the cause. now im thinking that smoking is gonna make this better?? i havent smoked yet but i have easy access and i know i shouldnt because its the dumbest fucking thing to do because you could die or get lung cancer or some shit but honestly like what the fuck. K i guess ill just say what comes to mind.. so like first there’s my dad, hes a fucking ass hole and i fucking hate him. he has anger management issues and hes fucking clueless. His gf cheats on him but doesnt believe it even though theres so much proof of it. She constantly saying shes not sure if she wants to be with him anymore…. WHAT THE FUCK!! shes a money user and doesnt give a shit about him, dump her sorry ass. k so then theres my mom alright.. so she thinks i dont know she smokes but im not that stupid, she tries to sneak out and be all quiet but she acts as if i cant smell it.. then of course i actually saw her smoking in her car when she drove my me but she made up some shitty lie that i fake believed. then there’s friends, people fucking hate me. do they not get that when someone has so many people talkin shit about them that they’re eventually gonna crack and actually give a shit about what they’re saying? but then in my friend group im the outcast. Im not as popular as the rest of my friends and im always left out from group things and its really shitty. I guess you could say im lucky because i have a boyfriend but its not all that great when all i hear is the shit people say about him because hes with me. I feel like he will dump me because people say shit to him about me. I guess i gotta trust he will believe the truth and not the bullshit. honestly theres a shit ton of stuff in here that so many people go through but i aint bout to get into the other shit. All im sayin is that i WANT to be sad as weird as that sounds. the music, tuning people out, not having to talk to family and friends.. the downfall is that nobody knows but i wanna go get tests for depression and shit

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