Posted 24th November 2016 1115

here’s the thing: i still like you, anyway. it’s not my fault, right? if only you didn’t make me feel like i was so much more than i think i am, then maybe i could’ve blocked myself from these feelings. maybe i couldn’t have met your hazel eyes when they held mine as you searched through the room. as vast as our room might be, your gaze landed on me and i couldn’t help but realize that it was because i was already looking at you.
maybe i could’ve regulated my heart from beating erratically when you told me i was beautiful.
maybe i could’ve stopped you from growing on me.

but maybe i couldn’t.

i drowned in deep depths when you looked at me, and i was stuck with a mind clouded with deranged thoughts; nothing was clear except you, you, and only you. my heart felt like it had to beat for two, and it chose you. my heart found its way to yours, through the pathway disguised in love letters, caring actions, and sweet words. disguised in LIES, FAKE FEELINGS, AND SHAM WORDS.

WHY WAS I TOO FOOLISH NOT TO REALIZE IT SOONER???

your heart found its way to mine, but my heart didn’t. i realized you were blocking your heart from me the whole time.

“Only you,” these words caressed your lips.

BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WE CANT BE SOMETHING BC WE’RE FUCKING BLOOD-RELATED EVEN THOUGH THE GENERATIONS WHERE OUR BLOODS COULD’VE MET WERE TOO LONG TO BE REMEMBERED

“01110010, my crush starts with that letter.”

Being the fool that I was, i kept hoping it stared with A, the first letter of my name. I was almost sure it would be A.

only to realize it was R.

ITS NOT ME NOR WILL I EVER BE
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?? IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU AND I AGAINST THE WORLD RIGHT? WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING. FOR MAKING ME HOLD ON TO NOTHING; FOR MAKING ME WAIT FOR YOU, ONLY TO LEAVE MY ARMS EMPTY-HANDED

but i still like you, anyway. it’s so hard to let go of you. so here i am, extending my arms for you. i’m more than willing to get my arms numb from waiting for you than not at all.
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i’m sorry, self. i like him too much to let him go this easily. i know it will always be R, whoever she is. just remember, i’m here for you no matter how much you hurt me. i always have been, and i will always be, here for you. even if you will never be here for me

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