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i am so fuckingggg done

Cry

Posted 30th October 2017 1114

Everything in my life is horrible. My friends are ditching me, calling me a liar, being bitches to me, yet whenever I stick up for myself (which isn’t often; i dont wanna hurt them the way they did me), i’m the “bad guy” that’s been stirring trouble. I’m so unpopular and ugly, I have only about 1 true friend, but even that friendship isn’t gonna last, i can tell. she’ll move onto someone that’s more entertaining and happy, not problematic and moody and a drama queen :/ i’m so scared, i’ve been rejected by every guy i’ve liked. i’m not good enough, or worthy of someone’s love. i’m not pretty enough, or perfect enough, or funny enough. I give up, with everything. I’m barred from the fun in my life, and not even binging Gossip Girl and ranting will help. I want someone who is my rock, who I can always lean on when I need them, who i can talk to. But there’s nobody, because high school is all scary bullies and pretty girls and popular boys. there’s nobody, and it’s lonely. I’m in what you’d call a toxic friendship, i love the girl (friend way) and she’s funny, but she’s also a bitch and very poisonous at times, but i dont wanna loose her and i’m scared to do anything, i’m caught in the middle of everything, i cant even. im also super pissed that i keep treating my parents like shit, i just dont like being shouted at or controlled, in a way. it pisses me when they start the arguments, and when I shout back I’m the bad guy, even though i try do everything i can to be perfect, i’m a layabout, a piece of shit? i try, i guess, but they don’t understand how stressed or emotional i can be, i dont really tell them enough because they’ll just say, dont worry, you’ll be fine, blahaahahahaahahah e.c.t and then it’ll be all over. i love them with all my heart, but sometimes they really piss me off, like expecting me to be Little Miss Sunshine and Daisies. They dont really understand the word puberty, or growing up. I guess they dont really understand homework or how stressful, and recently it feels like ive been carrying a big weight on my shoulders, it’s hard to describe, but it won’t go away.. i just want to not be judged or laughed at whenever i do something, like if it isnt fucking hurting you, why are you joking/making fun about it|? it pisses me off to see people like that. why cant they understand that you’re your own person, and that you’re you.

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