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Why is it that im so fucking stupid that everytime i get my life together i have to do something to fuck it up?! For 3 years ive been clean from smoking drugs and alcohol. I found a great guy who accepts my flaws and we have a beautiful son together. Its fucking boring!! I want to go out and not be tethered down. Im still young but i feel like im 60 years old. I miss the vicodin more than anything. I was a better person when i was on them. I could feel things.. Now im just this shell.. Im angry and useless due to chronic pain. I miss my old fling. Ive been secretly seeing him. We havent done anything cuz im a good person but it is tearing me up. Why me? This isnt the life i wanted.. I was never meant to be with one person in a monogamous relationship. Call me a whore but people get stale fast..
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