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I am drinking a lot when i know i shouldnt. and i’m working 7 days a week even if it is all part time, and no one recognises it. everyone is just in their own bubble and i’m drowning in mine. i dont even care about my now ex, i don’t even think about him sadly. i just miss being held. and i think that’s all our relationship was for a long time. i dont want to go back to him, i just want to go back to being held sometimes. and now i have no friends either. my two good friends are done with me. i can feel myself fading out of interest and i’ve felt it for months. and its so fucking shitty. i just want to die. maybe i should get my meds upped. but i don’t want to have to admit it to myself that i need my meds upped and i dont want to go to therapy. its gonna make me change my situation or just hate it more. and i can’t afford to do either. or therapy for that matter.
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