Posted 7th December 2013 2525

I’m just tired. I feel like I should have stayed in Las Vegas sometimes, but then I’m not sure if that would have turned out too well either. So it’s better to have loved and lost right? Bullshit. I couldn’t done just fine without this one. All she was good for was a good fuck and a false sense of security. tells me I’m all she ever wanted them she gets tired of me and charts on me after 8 months and less to me about it till I put the puzzle together myself. it’s been months and I can’t stop feeling betrayed and just hurt every time I think about it. I put so much effort into her that I let my college work slide and got into an increasingly worse state of depression due to her and all the money stress and living with my assface dad. I can’t drive cuz I scratched his precious gas guzzling piece of shit that he doesn’t even drive. I have to ride a shitty little bmx bike everywhere and that’s if it’s not Moyer than a mile away. Beyond that, I have to ask someone for a ride, but no one likes to help me out. I can’t find a fucking job because all the jobs are in Phoenix and I don’t have a car to travel into downtown all the time, much less getting rides. My dad doesn’t like helping anyone unless there’s something in it for him, but has no problem trekking other people to do things. My stepmom is happy with the cat that was supposed to be for me, which was just another empty promise from my fucking father.

Makes me almost miss doing heroin. it’s been 2 years now, but it feels like the more stressful life gets, the more I think about it. Smoking weed only helps so much. I hate being on methadone. At least when I was smoking h, there were a few times in the day when everything was ok for a few moments. Even if it doesn’t last long, it’s better than NEVER having a moment like that anymore and always being depressed. Those few moments of euphoria and feelings of well-being were enough to get a guy through the week. But I know it’s not right. I wish I could just get a damn car. it’s make life so much easier, so much more manageable.

I hate that bitch. I hope people still call/text to call her a slut n shit. As long as I’m still hurting for what she did to me, I hope she does too ten-fold. But I know she doesn’t give two fucks. It’s much easier now at least. Still hurts to just think about what happened, but now after like 3 months or so, I’m getting past it. I deserved so much better, I didn’t deserve to be treated like that after how I loved her and ask that I did too coffee back here for her. I should have never left, stupid bitch. Fuck this, I’m gonna get high.

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