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i think i’m losing my mind sometimes. guilt and anger is eating away at me. mostly i’m angry at myself. i’ve failed in a way i said i never would. people don’t understand what it’s like to be big. the whole world is different. it may sound trivial to some, but that;s because you have no idea what it’s like. the guilt comes from somewhere else. it comes every single time i eat before bed. or every time i eat out. i know what i should be eating and instead i eat crap. it’s comfort.i’m slowly admitting that i have an addiction to food. i feel better when/while i eat. this makes me realize i’m a failure. i can’t get passed how i look. this is another thing i’m trying to change… how can i expect to fall in love if every time a guy likes me i constantly wonder what’s wrong with him and why the hell would he want me. he must be very messed up. or maybe trying to use me. or i must be an easy target for him. this is how low i feel about myself. i constantly wonder who the hell could possibly be attracted to me, and if they are then why?? i wish i could starve myself. that’s where addiction comes in. how can i stay away from what makes me sick if i need it to survive? no one thinks of it that way. i just want to like myself…
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Posted by Anonymous 21st August 2010
Hi, it sounds to me like you are depressed and using food as a comfort, you need to go to your GP and explain how you feel. He or she will be able to arrange some therapy for you. You need to start and look at all the positive points about you and focus on them. You are not a failure at all, just going through a rough time at the moment