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i just hate this family. i love my parents, but i hate this family because of the systemic problem that we have. i hate my sisters the most. don’t even want to talk about them. and then i hate myself so so much, almost to the point of my sisters.
it is because of them that my dreams are crushed time and time again. my world is being messed up time and time again. it feels like the whole table overturns just when i am about to fit in the last piece of jigsaw puzzle.
because of them, my world is always filled with uncertainties. it leaves me feeling always uptight, anxious, wary and never settled down or comfortable. i never have the chance to let my guard down. my walls are built high and thick.
even right now, i am holding in so much, just as i always have.
life is meaningless and painful and unbearable. just if it was shorter.
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