Posted 28th March 2013 1923

I’m 17. I am a virgin, I don’t do drugs or drink much or party every weekend. I’ve only had one boyfriend, and he dumped me after two months for reasons unknown. I believe in quality over quantity, and I’m pressured by my parents and my teachers to do well in school, and I do, relatively speaking. I’m in all advanced classes.

I don’t want to be seen as a “good kid” and be held to other people’s standards. I want to do “bad” things every once in a while. Not because I want to fit in or be rebellious or spiteful.

Because I want to be me, and that includes my bad side and my natural wanderlust, curiosity, tendency to overthink, and liberal mind.

I wish I could go out with friends more than just once or twice a year. I want to sneak out and steal the car and drive off to wherever the road takes me and make a new life. I wish I had said yes to that offer of a one night stand with my hot older (not by much more than 6 years or so) neighbor whom I’ve had a crush/lusting for since I’ve been in 5th or 6th grade. I wish I could win over the heart of the boy I’ve loved since middle school, that things could have worked out MY way and that we’d be those High School Sweethearts that everyone used to pick on.

I wish I could try weed and vodka and have the best, most memorable parties with my closest friends.

I wish I was this amazingly beautiful girl who could break the hearts of many men and never feel attached to anyone or anything anymore because I. CARE. TOO MUCH.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking to become this emptyheaded druggie slut and give up everything that I have going for me in the future. I just wish there was a way to do the crazy things I dream of doing every once in a while without being judged.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is it so wrong?

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