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teen dreams

Posted 28th March 2013 1015

I’m 17. I am a virgin, I don’t do drugs or drink much or party every weekend. I’ve only had one boyfriend, and he dumped me after two months for reasons unknown. I believe in quality over quantity, and I’m pressured by my parents and my teachers to do well in school, and I do, relatively speaking. I’m in all advanced classes.

I don’t want to be seen as a “good kid” and be held to other people’s standards. I want to do “bad” things every once in a while. Not because I want to fit in or be rebellious or spiteful.

Because I want to be me, and that includes my bad side and my natural wanderlust, curiosity, tendency to overthink, and liberal mind.

I wish I could go out with friends more than just once or twice a year. I want to sneak out and steal the car and drive off to wherever the road takes me and make a new life. I wish I had said yes to that offer of a one night stand with my hot older (not by much more than 6 years or so) neighbor whom I’ve had a crush/lusting for since I’ve been in 5th or 6th grade. I wish I could win over the heart of the boy I’ve loved since middle school, that things could have worked out MY way and that we’d be those High School Sweethearts that everyone used to pick on.

I wish I could try weed and vodka and have the best, most memorable parties with my closest friends.

I wish I was this amazingly beautiful girl who could break the hearts of many men and never feel attached to anyone or anything anymore because I. CARE. TOO MUCH.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking to become this emptyheaded druggie slut and give up everything that I have going for me in the future. I just wish there was a way to do the crazy things I dream of doing every once in a while without being judged.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is it so wrong?

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Comments

Posted by Anonymous 16th April 2013

Its ok, your not the only one.. But that one night stand thing i did it. but i regret it and i wish i never did it

Posted by collegekid 30th April 2013

Hey, you probably won’t get this message, but I want to say that I am tired of everyone judging girls on how “slutty” or “bad” they are. To want to have these adventures, flings, and drunken nights is not bad at all. Are you wanting to hurt anyone? If the answer is no, then you are not a bad person.

There’s a wonderful site that I like to go to when I have these feelings, and it’s rookiemag.com .

I don’t think you should be judged for smoking weed, getting drunk, etc. because it is just silly fun. People should realize there’s a difference between silly fun, and “my life sucks and this is all I have” lifestyles. For you, you might be stuck in high school where you feel chained in, and my advice is to wait it out. Don’t do crazy things out of frustration, because the right time presents itself for everything. Build good friendships, eventually you will find friends whom you trust, whom you can get drunk with, and who won’t judge you for it :)

Posted by Shinydimepiece 1st June 2013

I wish I was more like you when I was 17. You sound intelligent and grounded. VERY rare for kids your age…hell any age!

You might not realize this til later, but eventually you’ll see…the fear of being judged is just an illusion. It’s all in your head.

Be bad once in a while! Life isn’t meant to be squeaky clean all the time!!

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