Posted 7th September 2015 012

I feel useless, worthless. I’m never going to do anything with my life. I should just end my life, no one would care anyways.But I’m to coward for it. I always think like this, but its not my fault or maybe. But I know I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I know I’ve done things that should be of shame. I could go on and on, but everything’s just…..*sigh* I don’t know. I know I’m going to hell for this. God won’t even want to look at me. I understand that I myself am a lazy hypocrite who doesn’t give a flying fuck but really does, there an entire list, but I’ve asked people to help, no one listens. People don’t get me, that’s why I never leave my house, that’s why I don’t have a job or go to school. You can condemn this, I would. BUT whenever I think of getting a job I get bad anxiety. I’m a grown adult I SHOULD but can’t find the motivation I need. I’m a huge disappointment, to everyone I know. I couldn’t tell anyone this without getting judgment looks. Whoever’s reading this is probably doing it (I wouldn’t blame you) My family is always calling me horrible names, since I was 10, I cry myself to sleep thinking of suicide. I won’t do it if that’s what your thinking. I’m just a pathetic person. Then my “family” is claiming to be supportive of whatever I do, but really they just yell out hurtful things. My “mother” bitches about everything I do. Same with my “father” they both say I mooch off them, when really I buy what I need like clothes, food etc. My nagging younger sister( I don’t even want to call her that) says I NEVER clean but I do. Then my older sister, who doesn’t live with us, bitches how I also don’t do shit. I mean I swear I want to pack everything I own and leave, never looking back.

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