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what kind of feelings for an ex crush

Posted 22nd May 2010 15

On the day of my prom, I saw him with another girl. But it wasn’t that that made my face turn cold. I was getting sick of camera pictures, not eating any food, dancing to crappy music. I saw him several times that night. I felt surprised at first, and then embarrassed, to remember the times in the past.

He was a year older, and I was nobody he knew too well, so I couldn’t hold onto anything firmly. I stopped talking to him because I realized I made him uncomfortable, the way that I wanted to become closer to him. Not physically but emotionally. I guess either way, for any person, that’s creepy.

I guess I did not give off a vibe he could read.
I apologized. Didn’t talk to him after that. Months passed…..

And at my prom, I saw him again. Dancing, still looking like how I had remembered. I didn’t think I would see him again. I guess that was wishful thinking.

I felt angry at myself too, because I realized I wasted so much time on a guy that couldn’t care less. When I saw him, I saw a reflection of my hopeless self last year. I could almost envision a girl gathering up her courage to talk to him. The little hello’s in the beginning of whatever inkling of relationship we had.

What naivete. I don’t think I like him. But there’s that irrational, painfully romantic side of me that says otherwise. Then again, he’s not exactly Prince Charming. Far from it.. he is the class clown who deems himself a jerk.

I hope I forget him, for he is not the most handsome, nor the funniest, nor the most clever nor the only musician I know. It hurt. And now I feel cold.

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