Posted 8th May 2012 29

Being near him and feeling his heart beat makes me smile and when he holds me I feel like I could melt in his arms, but then he pushes me away and gets mad at me I just want him to be happy and try to make him see that I love him with everything I have and that nothing he does will ever make me stop loving him. when he kisses me I get butterflies, but also the most time it seems he wants to be around me or ‘loves me’ is when we have some sort of sexual contact. and i’m afraid of being used! but I love him and if that is the only way I can get his attention I am going to have to try harder at it. this feeling is so miserable I don’t know what to do any more and I know I am taking all this pity on me and I know this is taking a toll on him … but what can I do I don’t know what he really wants he is the most unpredictable person I have met and I don’t know what to do to make him happy.. cause he changes his mind constantly and its so hard to know what he wants one minute to the next , but i’m trying to show him that i’m okay .. and that I will be fine with out him, but there is a lot of nights that I just burst out crying cause I know he will never be ‘mine’ again and that pains me so much to know that but there is nothing I can do about it cause this is his choice and its what he wants cause he knows the minute he asks me to take him back I am going to say yes because I am in love with him and it has almost been a month since we have broken up . and its still killing me… the night we met keeps playing in my head like some cheesy song but it means so much to me just the way we were looking into each other eyes like nothing else mattered and that we were perfect for each other but guess who ruined that …. Bingo you guessed right me. Its killing me inside but I am getting better at not showing it … but its till hard to hold back the tears… and well now that I know why he don’t want to be with that kills me even more ! just cause I was stupid just plain stupid fuck I hate this I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t know who I can talk to anymore I have no friends that I truly trust to tell this to with them getting mad or judging me or anything . he don’t want to hear about this because it makes him upset and feel bad and that’s not what I want all I want is for him to understand I need him and that I will do anything for him to take me back I don’t know how to do it I don’t know what to do . someone please help me!

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