Posted 5th December 2014 27

I didn’t notice her at first. We worked together. I was being nice, friendly was all. Somehow, she got under my skin without my noticing. POW! I was and am taken, so I pushed her away. She allured, flirted, POW! POW! I was spinning. WTF???? How did this happen? I’m not some adolescent. Far from it. Completely infatuated. Obsessed. In love, I must admit. I ignored it, thinking it would pass. Kept it on a cool and friendly level. Had to deal with her at work and did my best to keep it normal. I didn’t credit my feelings or take them seriously, for many good reasons. I thought they would vanish, as such meaningless and temporary infatuations had in the past. I played it off, keeping my hurt to myself. Thank God she transferred. Kept running into her. Dammit! Couldn’t stop thinking about her, dreaming about her. How is this so powerful and persistent? Finally, losing my mind, I confessed my love, knowing it would make her avoid me, as well. It worked, but a year later, my feelings are the same. I never so much as held her hand, let alone kissed or embraced her, though she made it obvious that afffection was available. I’m not a cheater. I didn’t have intimate conversations with her. I didn’t go down any of the cliched and well known paths to cheating, yet my heart is still hers. I didn’t ask for this, and yet I suffer every day for something I didn’t do. I want so not to feel this way about her. I want to be free. My heart is my enemy. It is slowly killing me. I only feel good about this situation when I sincerely pray for her. I ask God to clear the way before her and to watch her back. I ask Him to bring good things into her life and that she be happy and blessed. She is marvelous, unique, courageous, generous, incomparable, creative, fun, and so, so very beautiful. I cannot feel jealousy regarding her. I dare not allow myself to wonder where she is and what is going on in her life. I sincerely deeply hope that only good things are coming her way. Mostly, I want to forget all about her. Damn this hurts.

0 Comments Forgive Condemn